An inconcievable re-make THAT’S JUST WRONG!

Hollywood’s done it again, announcing a re-make of a film that is perfectly fine as it is: The Princess Bride. We’ve heard rumours of a Dirty Dancing re-make, and I think Top Gun was another one. And now, they want to bastardise yet another 1980s favourite that DOESN’T NEED A RE-MAKE, putting Paul Rudd in Cary Elwes’s shoes. IT’S NOT ON. Just because you can’t think of anything new to do, you have to go back and butcher innocent, unsuspecting cult classics?

“A re-make?”

Mandy Patinkin (Inigo Montoya), BLESS HIM, is not amused. I’m expecting Inigo to appear, sword in hand, saying words to the effect of “My name is Inigo Montoya. You’re killing an awesome film. Prepare to die!”

[EDIT: Apparently, THANK GOODNESS, this was a false alarm. They were just gathering a cast to do a script reading in a library or something.]

So what other classic 1980s films could Hollywood’s greed decide to fuck up re-make? Suggestions?

Here are some of my nightmares:

  • E.T. – The Extra Terrestrial
  • The Indiana Jones trilogy
  • Neverending Story
  • The Goonies
  • Breakfast Club and anything else starring Molly Ringwald
  • Ghostbusters (actually, they’re probably plotting one already, or is it part 3?)
  • Poltergeist (admittedly, this film could be improved on … but that would never happen, they’d just make it suck more)
  • The Star Wars trilogy, eps. 4-6 (aside from the “improvements” George Lucas have already implemented)

If they’re going to re-make stuff, why not go back and re-make REALLY OLD films, like Gone With the Wind, The Wizard of Oz (properly, not spin-offs of various quality), Casablanca and the likes? Sure, they can’t exactly improve on them either, other than make the special effects infinitely better, and there’s absolutely no need whatsoever to re-make them for a modern audience, but if it was really old films like that, at least I could understand the reasoning behind it. (Should we count the 2011 adaptation of Jane Eyre as a re-make of the 1943 version btw?) This … NOT SO MUCH.

Get the hell out of my childhood, you greedy bastards!

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