Here it is, the first edition of Ask Thorin, 3″ Thorin’s very own advice column. Without further ado, here’s the man himself, answering your questions:
I would like to ask Thorin if I can shampoo and condition his hair.
/Collar City Brownstone
Greetings Collar City Brownstone,
You do not seem to be aware that my hair is made out of plastic and therefore requires absolutely no maintenance whatsoever. Maybe you confuse me with someone else. I hear there is a 5’2″ Thorin out there whose hair flows down his head like a waterfall. I may know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who can ask him for you. That might be easier.
Not to say that you are not welcome to wash my hair, it’s just that my hair does not get dirty. Or wet, for that matter.
Have you named “your” weapon? And I don’t mean Orcrist. Giggles!
I have several weapons. The Oakenshield is not just for protection, it can also be used for shield bashing. The sword at my side is not significant enough to the plot to warrant a name for itself, but I like to call it “Useful”. My battleaxe is simply called “Dragoncleaver” because of what I am going to do with it once I get back to the Lonely Mountain.
… Actually, Thorin, I don’t think that’s what she meant, you know. *whispers something in Thorin’s ear and watches his little cheeks turn red, which is an impressive feat considering they’re made of plastic*
Let me guess. You call it “the Arkenstud” or something, don’t you?
You are gravely insulting my people now, human. To take such an important object and make merry with it in such a way! I will not stand for it!
But you do call it the Arkenstud.
Right, that is it for today. If you have any more questions for me, you may ask me them on Thursday. Have a good day.
Uh, right okay … bye. Sorry folks, there was another question he was meant to answer today, but instead, I’ll put it to him on Thursday. This wasn’t the sort of note I wished to end the FanstRAvaganza on, but he’s gone to the other side of the table and is sitting on top of a book with his arms crossed. Royalty, eh? 😉
To ask 3“ Thorin’s advice, plop down a comment or email it to email@example.com and it will be answered in a future episode. 🙂
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