Hello Thorin. Are you awake?
I am always awake. Except when I’m sleeping, of course, but then I am still vigilant. One never knows when orcs might be on the prowl. If it’s not orcs, then trolls, wolves and all manner of beasts that roam this land.
What, like cats?
Admittedly … yes, fair enough, this version of Middle Earth is a little different than the one I’m usually accustomed to.
Do you like it here?
I was on my way to fulfil my destiny, slaying the dragon and reclaiming the Lonely Mountain for my people. Now I’m here, wherever “here” is, and I don’t see any mountains, nor any dragons to slay. As far as I’m concerned, I have been taken hostage by powers far sillier than anticipated.
Good. No, hey, wait, you said “sillier”, not “greater”!
Anyway. Who’s your favourite Hobbit?
I only know of the Hobbit called Bilbo. This does not make for a good comparison. How would I know which Hobbit is my favourite, if I have only met one?
You could’ve just said Bilbo, you know.
But that would be unfair on the rest of them, and as a king in exile, as it were, I have to be just. How else can they count on me to run their country? A leader must lead by example. Only then will he go down in the history books as a great leader.
Would they have a 3.5″ plastic action figure down as a great leader in the history books, though?
I resent that.
But it’s true! Surely a leader must also be truthful, even when it pains him?
If it serves the purpose for the greater good, there is no harm.
What advice would you give to someone who wants to reclaim their people’s former glory?
Hire a good thief and slay the dragon. Besiege the mountain. Die in glorious battle, your kingdom and all its wealth restored!
Yeah, about that … we’re a bit short on dragons here.
And thievery is illegal, we don’t have a lot of mountains to go around here either, and I don’t think dying in battle is going to sort out this whole recession malarky. I guess you could argue that Wollaton Hall is on a hill, but it still doesn’t have a dragon, and I don’t think the council would be very pleased if we laid siege to their natural history museum.
Aha, stuffed dragons!
Enough with the dragons already! I think the closest thing in there is a dragonfly. Although considering your size, it might be a worthy adversary. If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s probably been pinned to that board for the past hundred years or so.
What about the gold?
Errr … they have gems and things, but that’s more about geology than any hidden treasures. I’ll show you a picture:
That is all?
Well, there were a few different display cabinets, but yes, in general, that’s what they have. That, and display cabinets of bugs and butterflies and that sort of thing. And a creepy amount of taxidermy. The park is much nicer. They have deer, there. And a lake.
Is there a town in the lake?
It’s not that big a lake. Wollaton Park is surrounded by a town, though.
Nottingham. Home of Robin Hood and your distant relative Guy of Gisborne. You know, I should take you on a tour around town. Have you see the sights. Maybe you’ll like it here, despite the lack of dragons, mountains and treasures.
I am doubtful.
I bet you are. But does that sound good? I’ll give you a tour of Nottingham this week, and then you can decide whether or not you’ll stick around and answer some questions for the readers of this blog?
You have yourself a deal.
Brilliant, we’ll start tomorrow. Thanks, Thorin! I’ll let you get on with your day now.
The King abides.
To be continued tomorrow!
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