Heat Weird Crush of the Year 2010

It’s that time of year again. I had forgotten about this, but watching Russell Howard’s Good News last night, he mentioned being on the list and being slightly miffed about it. After all, it’s weird crush, people whom it would be weird to have a crush on. And Russell Howard? What’s not to love?

Here’s the list, courtesy of Heat magazine:

25. Gregg Wallace – bald guy from Masterchef. Any appeal he had vanished when he commented on not seeing the point of organic produce. Yeah, because there’s no point in avoiding toxic chemicals and treating animals with a bit of kindness. So yeah, crushing on him is weird.

24. John Torode – the Aussie guy from Masterchef. Ehh, whatever.

23. Gordon Ramsay – TV chef and definite alpha male. That’s all the explanation you need right there.

22. Kevin McCloud – from Channel 4’s Grand Designs. I’m more interested in ogling the houses than him, personally.

21. David Cameron – Tory politician and current Prime Minister – Just … no.

20. Example – Rapper (apparently) who kinda looks like JT from Scrubs. JT is cute. So why’s Example weird?

19. Shane Richie – actor. I’m indifferent.

18. Chris Moyles – Radio 1 presenter. He’s very good at flirting with female guests, and there’s a fine line between being slimy and being terribly sexy. I’m inclined to agree to this. There’s something weirdly attractive about him.

17. Simon Cowell – talent show mogul and alpha male. See, there’s that alpha male thing again.

16. Jason Manford – cute comedian. What’s weird? That he’s not a stick insect? Shame on you!

15. Derren Brown – illusionist. Wasn’t he on last year’s list too? Yeah, I still don’t see the appeal. I just find him incredibly annoying.

14. James Corden – actor and comedian. I’m sure he’s sweet in real life, but he’s bloody EVERYWHERE and I’m sick of seeing him every time I switch the telly on.

13. Nick Clegg – LibDem politician. Well at least he ain’t a Tory … Maybe that’s why he’s higher on the list than the PM.

12. Jay from the Inbetweeners – a little bit weird, perhaps. At least when it comes to the character.

11. The “Go Compare” man – annoying singing commercial man. WTH? Seriously? If we’re talking weird crushes, shouldn’t this be number one?! No, I really don’t get it.

10. Michael Cera – actor. Aww, but he’s kinda cute.

9. Peter Jones – the tall one on Dragon’s Den. Alpha male, tall, handsome and rich … this ain’t weird. The man’s hot.

8. Professor Green – rapper? Whatever.

7. Matt Smith – actor, the new Doctor Who. Not to my personal taste. But not weird either.

6. Alexander Armstrong – comedian and actor. And he can sing too! Not weird!

5. David Mitchell – comedian. Not an obvious heartthrob, I grant you. But I like him. 🙂 And he’s less weird this year, apparently – he was #2 last year.

4. Hugh Laurie – actor. Jeeves & Wooster, Blackadder – weird? A bit. House? Not weird.

3. Russell Howard – comedian. Was #8 last year. So he’s weirder this year? I really don’t see why. Have you seen him without a shirt? Definitely not weird.

2. Benedict Cumberbatch – actor, Sherlock Holmes in BBC’s recent Sherlock. He looks very particular, like a model, and he looks good. Weird? Well, not really?

1. Karl Pilkington – producer and victim of An Idiot Abroad, in which his pals Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant made him travel around the world. And he did, and he complained a lot. And now there’s a face to the term “casual racism”. He’s not terribly bright and he seems like he’s never been outside the house, let alone had a takeaway other than fish & chips. Weird – yes. Weirder than the Go Compare man? No.

None of the Top Gear presenters were on the list this year. Does that mean crushing on them has become mainstream all of a sudden?

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