The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010)

Film review: The Twilight Saga 3: Eclipse (2010), directed by David Slade

twilight-eclipseHave you seen the DVD cover? Four stars and “BRILLIANT” and all? Lies! It’s all lies! Well, it is if you ask me. It’s even more like chewing gum for the eyes than the previous ones. I can hardly remember what this was about – it was just not memorable at all.

Let’s see. Furball and Sparkles were both fancying Bella. Sparkles asked Bella to marry him and she accepted. Didn’t they do that at the end of the previous one? Bella acted like a total jerk to Furball, kissing him and stuff. Furball was about as charming as a cold sore – seriously, what’s with Meyer and psychopathic boyfriends? Umm. And there was another vampire who was out to kill Bella, because Bella … oh, who cares?!

The plus side – the werewolves are really cute in dog form. When they’re in human form, they’re all walking around bare-chested, unless you’re a woman. Pack sexism that, dawgs! Bella walking next to doggie Furball echoed one of the Narnia kids walking next to Aslan. Does that mean Furball is now Jesus? I bet some people would agree.

Furry and Sparkles in a tent, albeit with a sleeping Bella … crikey, anyone else think “hey hey, it’s Brokeback Mountain!” ?

The Cullens with their pale faces still crack me up. They look so incredibly silly! Now, having read at least the first one, I think they’ve done Alice pretty well – she’s probably the only one I could tell who it is just by seeing her. Nice to see Bella with her mum, even if Sparkles was lurking inside the house.

Funniest quote during the movie: Bella has just explained to the two rivals (Furry and Sparkles) that she’s Switzerland, i.e. neutral territory. The Squeeze immediately quips, “She has all the Nazi gold!” And to think an internal joke (sort of) between me and the hubby is funnier than anything in the script is a bit sad.

No, this movie was kinda … dull. There just wasn’t much substance to it at all, just empty fluff that they could have shown in a much shorter time, if at all. Have heard they’re splitting the final book into two movies. Surely that has to be proof of the non-existence of God? I really do hope the book is better.

Oh, and on a side note – I discovered the books in a Swedish bookshop. The Swedish titles are enough to make you run away screaming: If I could dream (Twilight), When I hear your voice (New Moon), The sound of your heart (Eclipse), As long as we both breathe (Breaking Dawn). Well, at least they are all very fitting with the content. For better or for worse.

1 out of 5 tents.

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