You know you’re a Wheel of Time addict when …

I decided to have a look through my old files, as I knew I had put together some silly Wheel of Time-related things years and years ago. It was last updated in 2005 according to the old HTML file, but probably pre-dates that. So, to celebrate the release of the final book TODAY, let’s have a Randland giggle. Slightly updated to reflect Robert Jordan’s passing and that the series will actually finish with the release of A Memory of Light.

You know you’re a Wheel of Time addict when …

 

“How come you aren’t giving over all your creative energies to wotmania! I’m shocked!”
– Mike Mackert, founder of wotmania (which apparently closed down in 2009 – I’m great at keeping up …)

  1. You read another fantasy-series, someone is injured, and you wonder why the hell they don’t get an Aes Sedai to Heal
  2. You try to conjure up a fireball to play with when you’re bored
  3. You start to suspect that people in your surroundings are Black Ajah
  4. You’re previously so rich vocabulary of swearwords now only include “Light”, “Burn me/you” and “Blood and [bloody] ashes”
  5. You hide every time you see a raven
  6. You write your wish list for Santa, and it includes a Serpent ring and a shawl, or a sword and a colourshifting cloak
  7. You get Yin & Yang-symbols, and paint over the dots
  8. You make bracelets of yarn in the colours of the eight Ajahs
  9. You start to compare Wheel of Time to reality
  10. You get a braid you can pull / a beard your girlfriend can pull when annoyed
  11. You make all the clothes ever described, even the one Moghedien wore in the Tanchico Panarch’s Palace in Tel’aran’rhiod
  12. You ask the library if they’ve got a copy of “The Travels of Jain Farstrider”
  13. You can’t avoid drawing parallells between Tel’aran’rhiod and lucid dreams/astral body projection/OOBE
  14. You’re watching some TV-show starring Melissa Gilbert, and see a woman with black hair -and a stripe of white- and realize in fear that it must be Rianna Adomeran using a false name
  15. Someone asks you something and the only thing you reply is that no one knows how the Wheel turns
  16. You go to an educational adviser and ask how you can become Aes Sedai/Asha’man
  17. You think “A sword. Maybe I should get meself a sword”…
  18. You buy an old rusty sword, repair it, and get a heron engraved on the blade
  19. You start your own Black/White/Grey Tower
  20. You can say at least ten phrases in the Old Tongue
  21. Your local librarians know you personally
  22. You’ve got your own Wheel of Time-site with homemade pictures of the characters
  23. Your homepage has links to every Wheel of Time site there is
  24. Robert Jordan once asked you for inspiration
  25. You’ve Bonded at least one Warder to you
  26. You head off to look for Salidar
  27. You can also seem untouched by the heat/cold
  28. Tarmon Gai’don worries you more than anything else
  29. You expect your mother to correct a red-fringed shawl over her shoulders every time she’s mad at you
  30. Your teachers are Dreadlords, except the P.E. one — Nae’blis
  31. You can explain ji’e’toh like a native Aiel
  32. “I have toh” is more used than “How can I ever repay you?”
  33. You look with disgust at swords
  34. If it hadn’t been for the “Warder-thing” you would’ve chosen another Ajah
  35. You frighten your kids with stories about trollocks and myrddraals
  36. You start to feel stressed out because Tarmon Gai’don is close, after all
  37. The voice inside your head is starting to take over … more and more …
  38. The library *still* hasn’t got a copy of “The Travels of Jain Farstrider”
  39. You make up your own Ajahs when needed
  40. You try to channel saidin/saidar
  41. You actually succeed in channeling saidin/saidar
  42. You take sign language lessons hoping to be able to learn Maiden Handtalk
  43. You take gai’shain
  44. You start to compare Wheel of Time with Star Wars and/or the Belgariad
  45. You can dance the sa’sara
  46. You drink kaf instead of coffee, and ride s’redit instead of elephants
  47. Your mint tea is consumed within an unhealthily short period of time
  48. You’ve learned “The Colour of Trust” by heart
  49. You start waffling in the Old Tongue when you’re really ill
  50. Pawprints in conctete give you the creeps
  51. You start to develop theories about the characters and/or plot
  52. Your computer’s “Start Windows”-sound is “The Wheel of Time turns as Ages come and go” (etc.) from the beginning of the books
  53. You start to believe in the Creator, the Wheel, and the Pattern
  54. You’ve noticed the extra person on the EotW cover
  55. You know what you should do if you see a skinny innkeeper
  56. No one beats you when it comes to playing dice
  57. The only things you laugh at are Wheel of Time-related jokes
  58. You run whenever you’re going somewhere
  59. You blame the Whitecloaks for the Inquisition
  60. You don’t trust men in white
  61. You’ve ever danced the Sa’sara
  62. You read the one about asking the library if they’ve got “the Travels of Jain Farstrider” and decide to do the same sometime
  63. Your anxiety about Tarmon Gai’don requires an expert psychologist
  64. Every time it rains you think that the draught finally has let go, thanks to the Bowl of Winds … and then you realize what’s real and what isn’t
  65. You would sell your soul to the Dark One if you could only be at least an extra in a filming of the Books
  66. You refer to eating sticks as “sursa” and paranoia as “the dreads”
  67. Hotels are for dweebs – inns are what’s happening!
  68. You know more about the people in the Books than what you know about your relatives
  69. You say “the Books” (capital B) instead of “the Wheel of Time-books”
  70. The Sahara desert looks real nice and comfy …
  71. You were thrown out from the concert/opera house after you tried to grab hold of a horn from the orchestra during a concert, while you shouted something about Artur Hawkwing’s warriors coming back if someone blew the Horn …
  72. … And you tried to get the horn player to say whether or not he’s a darkfriend before you let the guards drag you away
  73. You get something religious in your eyes every time you see a wheel
  74. Balefire is more effective than a-bombs, which you try to convince the Pentagon about
  75. You mistrust every woman in a red-fringed shawl
  76. You wonder what reality’s equal to Oosquai is – so that you can try it
  77. You play “Stone, scissors, bag” (“Stone, Knife, Paper”) with your friends
  78. You wrote to Robert Jordan to ask him to get a move on, since you were waiting impatiently for the next book
  79. “No one knows how the Wheel turns” is your meditation mantra
  80. You rather avoid wearing white dresses/clothing …
  81. You would have liked to take a look inside the Creator’s (Robert Jordan, that is) brain just to see what will happen later on in the series
  82. You build models of Randland cities in SimCity
  83. You prefer to go to a Wisdom than a doctor nowadays
  84. You refer to sandboxes as “the Three-fold Land”
  85. You seriously believe you’re the extra person on the EotW cover

My copy of A Memory of Light is on pre-order and I will hopefully receive it some time today. To say I’m excited and nervous is an understatement.

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